71: Who Are You Calling a Misfit? | Dr. Mona Delahooke

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Summary:

Mona Delahooke, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist with more than 30 years of experience caring for children and their families. Mona and Emily talk about reclaiming the term “misfit” and redefining what it means to be “typical”.

Quotes:
  • “There isn’t such a thing as typical. And if you’re going on a standardized test and if your child’s scored off of a certain test, that’s an outdated philosophy.” – Mona Delahooke
  • “I don’t believe there are any misfits nor do I believe that it should be a pejorative label. I think we should celebrate our differences.” – Mona Delahooke
  • “In our quest to maybe even very innocently create categories, we create good or bad, we create better or less than, and that’s just not what it’s like.” – Mona Delahooke
  • “It’s hard to be the first person, but if we all commit to doing our small part in talking about the goods, the bads, and the uglies of being human and being a parent and all that goes with it, I think we’re going to get to a better place in terms of here’s what’s narrowly accepted and here’s everything else.” – Emily Melious
  • “What we really want to do for our kids is help them to feel like they have a passion and they’re good at something. And they’re interested in it, whether that’s beekeeping or drawing pictures or illustrating or singing songs or writing poetry, or simply just being who they are and blessing the world with their uniqueness. It’s really awesome to take a step back and reconsider what we think success is.” – Mona Delahooke
Highlights:
  • 1:32 – What being a misfit really means
  • 5:53 – Autism
  • 14:11 – Celebrating the imperfect
  • 23:02 – Matching your parenting style to your child’s nervous system
  • 27:00 – Parenting with the nervous system in mind
  • 29:45 – Top down vs. bottom up behaviors
  • 33:31 – Mona Delahooke’s books
View Full Transcript

Episode 71 – Dr. Mona Delahooke

Mothers of Misfits: Welcome to the Mothers of Misfits podcast. Join me for conversations about how to advocate for our kids in a one size fits all world. Be sure to subscribe, so you never miss an episode.

[00:00:17] Emily Melious: Welcome back everybody to the Mothers of Misfits podcast. We’re here for another great conversation today. With a new friend of mine. Her name is Mona Delahooke. She’s a licensed clinical psychologist with more than 30 years of experience, caring for children and their families. She’s a senior faculty member of the prefect and foundation, a trainer for the Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health, and a member of the American Psychological Association, but it doesn’t stop there.

[00:00:47] Dr. Della hook holds the highest level of endorsement in the field of infant and toddler mental health in California. She’s a frequent speaker, trainer and consultant to parents, organizations, schools, and public agencies. And as you can tell, she has dedicated her career to promoting compassionate, relationship-based neurodevelopmental interventions for children with developmental, behavioral, emotional and learning differences. We are going to have so much fun talking today, and I know all the listeners are going to get great advice and strategies. Thank you so much for coming on Mona.

[00:01:22] Dr. Mona Delahooke: Oh, it is such a pleasure to be here. Thanks for having me, Emily.

[00:01:25]Emily Melious: Yeah. Well, like I said, we just met, but I know we’re going to be quick friends, and on that note, one of the things that you and I really relate to or you see similarly, is this concept of misfit. And I shared with you a minute ago that when I named the podcast, I named it very thoughtfully and carefully and knew that word misfit could really seem, and that’s why my vision for the podcast was to reclaim that word and take it back and sort of take the pain out of it, because whether people are using that word about our kids or inferring that word about our kids, it’s out there.

[00:02:07] We know it, we feel it. And what I see in human beings is that we are all beautiful, messy, broken, marvelous, misfits. You know, there is no fit in, even though we’ve kind of established that notion as a society. But I, I have heard some tougher feedback about that word at times. And folks have, let me know, gosh, I don’t kind of know about that. You’re, you know, you call my kid a misfit and, please know everyone listening that my heart is really to just point out what’s wonderful about your kids, but Mona, I’d say you work with a lot of misfits and I’d love to hear from you. What is the word misfit mean to you?

[00:02:48] Dr. Mona Delahooke: Well, first of all, thanks again for having me on. And I, you know, it’s a very, it’s a triggering word. So let’s just say, that, we can be triggered by that word because it evokes emotions in us. Right? Whether we felt like a misfit as a child ourselves, which, by the way I did, I was an extremely shy child and I really had a hard time, feeling like I fit in. So, I think that, number one, it’s a labeling, but what I love about what you just said is that, you are trying to redefine our conception of the judgmental nature of our culture, and I’m doing the same thing. I believe that, the education system, and even my own field of psychology, has done a huge disservice to those of us who are neurodiverse. And I say those of us, because we all have individual differences, like you said, is there such a thing as being neuro-typical. You know, is there even such a thing?

[00:03:59]I raised that as a philosophical question because, in my training as a psychologist and, even in the training today there, was this, there is this notion about what is typical, what is neuro-typical, and I’ve, now I’ve worked for so many decades, three decades with, children and families. And I’m really believing that neuro-diversity is the norm. There isn’t, there, isn’t such a thing as typical. And if you’re going on a standardized test and if your child’s scored off on a certain test, that’s an outdated philosophy. So I say, let’s have a redefi-, definition. And celebrate being different. And that’s why I chose to be on your podcast. I hope everyone listening understands that I don’t, I agree with you. I don’t believe there are any misfits nor do I believe that it should be a pejorative label. I think we should celebrate our differences.

[00:04:59] Emily Melious: Oh, yes, you can’t see me, everybody. Because we don’t publish, the video, but I’m over here cheering and clapping because that’s exactly it. And really dispelling this myth that there is such a thing as a fit in, and I’ve actually not heard somebody translate that, to that concept of neuro-typical and neurodiverse, but you’re so right. And in our quest to maybe even very innocently create categories, we create good or bad, we create better or less than, and that’s just not, what it’s like, but gosh, when we’re parents of those misfits, it’s a constant battle for the world to see just how talented and capable our kids really are. So, oh, I love that you share my heart on that and I love everybody listening.

[00:05:52] Dr. Mona Delahooke: And thank you. And, we can think of, the way I think about the word is misunderstood.

[00:05:59]

[00:05:59] Miscast, right? Misunderstood. Let’s take for example, Autism.

[00:06:05] Emily Melious: Mhm.

[00:06:06] Dr. Mona Delahooke: The way my field treats Autism spectrum is that it is a diagnostic category that is affiliated with DSM, a psychiatric diagnosis, essentially, a disorder. And I, disagree. I believe that Autism represents a form of neuro-diversity, and in many years from now, we’re going to be looking at it differently. We’re going to be looking at functional capacities. That is, helping people communicate, helping people, let others know what the, what they need and what’s on their mind if they can’t speak verbally, right. Or helping individuals not have physical pain, if they’re in pain, but we’re not going to be looking at saying, oh no, this child has Autism.

[00:06:54] That’s not where the thinking is. The, my best teachers have been those Autistic adults and children that I’ve worked with, who are in the neuro-diversity movement and who use identity first. And are telling the education system and the fields of psychiatry that, hey, don’t label us. This is a form of being us. So again, when you look at this, how harshly our culture treats differences, that, my message is we need to celebrate individual differences, and help children if they’re suffering. Of course, we help children with challenges if they’re suffering, but we don’t try to make them all look the same.

[00:07:43] Emily Melious: Right, right.

[00:07:44] Dr. Mona Delahooke: And in the system, I see that all the time. Children are reinforced for being more compliant, in scare quotes, right. Compliance rules. Okay. That’s messed up, because compliance basically is saying, we want student A to look like student B and be quiet and not have, move their body or not, say scraps if they need to. It’s so judgmental, our culture is judgmental. And what I, wrote about in my book Beyond Behaviors is that, we need to recast the paradigm of how we view individual differences.  When, we think about, is our child fitting in, we are saying, are my child’s individual differences being categorized as positive or, negative.

[00:08:34] By the culture, by maybe our friends, our family maybe, our neighbor, you know, it’s a lonely place for moms and dads for parents. It’s a lonely place because you’ll be getting potentially feedback from the pediatrician say, well, we’re noticing some hyper activity here, or we’re noticing some a problem, maybe some problems here, or a teacher saying, well, they’re really not doing X, Y or Z, instead of saying, hey, this is interesting, here’s how your child’s adapting to the situation. Let’s be curious about it. Let’s be compassionate about it and let’s not worry about it. We don’t want to worry, we have enough worries as it is.

[00:09:17] Emily Melious: Ugh, yes. And again, you are so speaking to my heart, because I learned the hard way that it can feel very lonely to be the mom of a misfit. And I too, I am a self-described misfit, but I’ve always sort of worn that as a, as a badge of honor. And I found some confidence in doing my own thing, but when I became the mom of a misfit, it was a completely different dynamic, and it wasn’t me, it was my child that I wanted to protect from that feeling of being an outcast, of being, on the fringes of being different and being bullied potentially, or having people make comments either to their face or not to their face. And it just, it, brought it to a whole other level.

[00:10:05] And I appreciate that there’s the potential for some shame around that, you know, I, we live in a wonderful community, but probably what gets talked about more often when moms get together is, hey, my child’s the, captain on the cheerleading squad and my child made the Dean’s list. And my child just got into this Ivy league school. And if you’re the mom, who’s saying, you know, my child’s failing school or my child just got a such-and-such diagnosis, you know, it feels like I can’t share that. I have shame in that. And that’s why I just, I love these conversations.

[00:10:41] I love this community. I talk about our listeners as the band of mothers, because, again, you are far less alone than you think. I mean, we’re all here and, you know, on social media and everywhere else, it can seem like there is this fit in, but it really doesn’t exist. And I hope even if the only thing that listeners get out of this conversation today is just to feel a little less alone and a little more empowered to advocate for their kids, might be quietly, it might be a little more loud at times, but, you’ve got this moms, you’ve got this and you know your kids better than anybody else. Oh man. We’re so boxing it today, but yeah.

[00:11:27] Dr. Mona Delahooke: You hear that over and over again, because the negative messages that we get are huge, you know, this idea that that. a difference  it’s something negative, right?  I just wanted to say, I apologize to you moms for my field of psychology. That is so judgemental, that loves the DSM. If, that is the, kind of the psychiatric Bible that we diagnose with in case you don’t know. Look. Many top scientists in the National Institutes of Mental Health, believe that the DSM is outdated. And I agree. It’s going to be replaced with a more strength-based approach, but for now what we have to live with, and a child who looks, who looks different and who may be not as, fitting in the box of a straight A student, you know, like you said, doing all these extra curricular activities, has a lot of friends, is popular.

[00:12:30] That is a stereotype that doesn’t, equate with a happy child. Let me just say that again. I am a psychologist, I see so many anxious quote unquote, perfect children who are straight A students and doing well, but they inside, they have struggles just like those students who get C’s and may have to move their bodies in certain ways or talk in certain ways. Right. So there is no good or bad, but as parents, again, the brunches, you know, the coffee talk and the cocktail hour talk and, oh, what’s your child doing? You know, the comparisons are so, and noone’s intending to shame anyone. I’m not saying it’s intentional, but, to be, you know, at the other end of, oh my gosh.

[00:13:25] I just had a flashback on, being in a parking lot, waiting for my kids one day  and some standardized testing for the school district came out and the mom, a lot of the moms were holding the letters of their test scores of their kids and reading them out loud if they really good. And I was holding one and like, my kid tanked and I’m like, oh my gosh, this is a moment. This is a moment of shaming. The don’t know, they’re shaming me, but I’m feeling like I don’t want to say out loud what my kid got, because they were like half the, you know, at the, lowest percentile. So let me just say I get it. I understand the pressure we’re under. And, I kind of set it up as my professional career to dismantle these misperceptions about differences.

[00:14:10] Emily Melious: Yeah. And one of the great things that we can do is of course celebrate our kids victories. You know, I don’t think we have to, hide those, but that’s where it’s great to be open about the flip side of things. Because when we talk about the misfit moments, it normalizes that, right. It shows us that that is the typical. And I understand that that takes a lot of, guts, and it’s scary. And you know, it’s hard to be the first person, but if we all commit to do our small part in talking about the goods, the bads and uglies of being human and being a parent and all that goes with it, I think we’re going to get to a better place in terms of here’s what’s narrowly accepted and here’s everything else.

[00:14:56] And the everything else is, bad. Or not okay. Or a dis word, the disorders. I think that’s really the small thing that we can all do is just be more transparent. Of course, the level that we feel comfortable and doesn’t, it’s going to be different for everybody, but a little bit more of that non social media pitch, picture perfectness that, you know, I think we’ve all been trained to project, you know.

[00:15:24] Dr. Mona Delahooke: We have been, to know again, to no fault of our own, but if you, if you, I just can’t tell you how many moms I know who feel like they get, they just get this pain in their heart when they look at social media of what’s, you know, of quote unquote perfect families. And it’s, again, it’s there’s no, I’m not blaming or shaming any parent, because of course it’s fun to celebrate our children’s victories. It’s a joy as a parent because we are so, I mean, our children are so much a part of our lives and all that. So I get, I still get that. So, but here’s a cool thing. And that is, if we, if we move away from stereotypical success to real success, and to me, what real success for our children is, is helping them find their passions.

[00:16:24] And, you know, helping them find what they love. And a lot of parents whose kids are in all sorts of sports, you know, like say the kids plays all the sports that they’re, of the seasons. Right. For example, they’re good at all of those. But to drill down for all parents to say, is your child loving that thing they’re doing? Because other than school, we only have a certain amount of time in the day. So again, I meet with so many students who are you know, later on in high school, college, and they’re like half the stuff that I did. I hated. 

[00:16:59] And I did it to please my parents, I did it because the school thought I w-, you know, gave me a lot of kudos because I was good at it, but let’s have a long haul look. What we really want to do for our kids is help them to feel like they have a passion and they’re good at something. And they’re interested in it, whether that’s beekeeping or drawing pictures or illustrating or singing songs or writing poetry, or simply just being who they are and blessing the world with their uniqueness. It’s really awesome to take a step back and reconsider what we think success is.

[00:17:43] Emily Melious: And as a recovering control freak, I know how hard it is to step back, give your kids freedom to explore things, to define that for themselves, to decide what they are and are not passionate about to try something and then quit doing it. I mean, that’s a hard thing, right? Cause my mom did it to me with piano and my husband and I are inclined to do it with our kids. No, you started, you’ve got to see it through and I think  no. If they’ve lost the passion, if they’ve lost the interest, then, the world’s not going to end if they quit, that let’s encourage them to get to the next thing. And of course, we honor commitments.

[00:18:21] You know, we talk a lot about the difference between making a commitment to something or not, but giving your kids those little lessons often, and as early as you can to start problem-solving for themselves to make decisions for themselves, to decide where when and how they’re going to put their effort into things. Allows them to flex those muscles and strengthen those muscles as kiddos. So when they get out into the world, they don’t sort of swing the pendulum the complete other way. Right. For those kids that felt like they never had freedom. They might abuse that moment or you know, but really we were just creating adults that have this opportunity to create a fulfilling career in life for themselves because they have those experiences in the safety of our homes to do the things that you just talked about.

[00:19:17] But man, easier said than done. I totally get it. And one of the things that I talk a lot about in our house, but also with my clients is getting really, really clear on the results. And letting your kids, obviously with there’s clear boundaries, when it comes to health and safety, but inside of that, letting them get there in their own way, and they might stumble a little bit, they might mess up a little bit, but you know, if the goal is get your room cleaned by five o’clock because grandma and grandpa showing up at 5:30, My oldest, it’s going to be 4:30, 4:45 before anything moves in that room, you know?

[00:19:56] But, so what if it’s done by five and you know, the books might not be an alphabetical order, but so what, you know, and I think just trying to like, not sweat the small stuff or not more importantly, not imposing, our best way, onto our kids. And it all goes back into this concept of right way wrong way. Again, there are, there are morally rights and wrongs of course, and health and safety boundaries that are hard lines, but I  regularly ask myself, am I considering that as a wrong thing just because it’s wrong for me. But maybe it’s right for my child. And if they get to that result and you know, we’re staying to these values and safety guidelines that we’ve agreed to, then why not?

[00:20:46]Dr. Mona Delahooke: I love that. I think why not? It’s there’s so much of, what you just said. There’s, it’s so rich because you know, how many of us, like, how many of us listening to this podcast are high achievers? I would imagine that a perfectionistic parents and parents who have high standards like you and I, I think.

[00:21:06] Emily Melious: Yep. Hand is raised. I’m right here. Yeah. You called me out.

[00:21:12] Dr. Mona Delahooke: To be listening for podcasts. They, want, give high levels of, excellence. They want to be good parents. So, I so get that. And this has been a journey of transformation for me. I am not exempt as a psychologist. In fact, I probably was even worse on my kids. I know I was, just ask them and they will tell you because they’re adults, you know, they’re adults now and they’re past college and the voices in our heads, because I remember like when I would be insistent on, okay, you know, this is what you have to get done by five o’clock and come on, just do it, carry your weight.

[00:21:50] I did, I was expected to, and I want you to be a good citizen, a good college student and all this weight I had in my head about insisting for my child to comply with my high standards. And if I could do it all again, I would be, oh my gosh. I would be like, okay. It’s all right. Leave the dishes in the sink. If you want to do them at 10 o’clock after you’ve done your homework fine. Instead of a hill that I died on so many times, it’s like, I want the dishes done by six o’clock. I feel better when the kitchen is done so I can go and do my stuff.

[00:22:29] I was very rigid. And again, I’m having a lot of compassion for myself because we have to, I was trained and a lot of the information out there is that high authority, high love parents yield very good results in their kids. So I just have to say that some of that literature on high authority, high love, again, is a while back and it doesn’t take into account the individual differences in the nervous system of the parent and the child. And so my focus now and all this stuff I’ve written in the last, 8 to 10 years is about matching your parenting style to your child’s nervous system.

[00:23:13] In real- time, and that is , that is so freeing, Emily, and it, yields joy. And I think that is the main goal. If you really ask parents, what they really want for their children is,  they want them to be happy. But parents love experiencing joy. Joy is our highest emotion. And so many of our families are living outside of joy because we feel so burdened and pressured by life. And COVID made that even worse. So bringing back joy will actually help your child’s, body, their physiology, and you, as a parent, it’ll help your stress response system, get back into shape and your cells and everything in your body, your, what they call allostasis, your body budget is going to improve.

[00:24:09] Emily Melious: So let’s break that down in more practical terms. Cause it sounds awesome to match my parenting, to my child’s nervous system, but, help me understand what that means and what I do to make that happen.

[00:24:23] Dr. Mona Delahooke: Yes. And that could be a, probably a five-hour training. Right.

[00:24:29] Emily Melious: I’m sure. Yeah. Can we have the cliff notes version today?

[00:24:32] Dr. Mona Delahooke: So let me give you the basic cliff note version. Modern neuroscience and contemporary  neuroscience, especially from some of the experts that I love and who are good people and studied the nervous system, the autonomic nervous system, such as Dr. Stephen Porges, and Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett tell us that, the state of our bodies, we have these different physiological states or states in our bodies. You may have heard of the fight or flight response. That is an actual, physiological pathway, that runs through a nerve, when your body detects threat either internally or from the environment, detects that something is amiss.

[00:25:17] Something’s not quite right. We can, our nervous system shifts from this calm state, which is the like the, ventral vagal pathway, but just think of it as the calm state where you’re like you and I, right now, we’re, excited and talking about a topic we love, but we’re not ready to punch someone out or, right away. Right. So when,  you feel red, literally we call it the red pathway, but if you’ve ever felt red and you feel like yelling or screaming or doing something to your kid that is like, oh, afterwards you feel so guilty about, that is a nervous system pathway.

[00:25:56] There’s a physiological base for it. We cannot be in that fight or flight response to parent effectively.  And so we have rescue strategies and that, we kind of help parents sort out because everyone’s different, like the rescue strategies, we need to feel calm enough to parent. And so do our children. So, in school, for example, when children were in school, many of our students who are, who were categorized as misfits or, or neurodivergent, or not carrying their weight were in a state of internal distress.

[00:26:32] Inside of their body. So they may have been jiggly inside, or anxious inside, their heart rates may have been raised. Their hands may have been sweaty. Their palms may have, you know, been like, that’s one way of knowing if you’re activated you just kind of sweat. Right. And, but many times teachers don’t know that and,  in the education system it doesn’t really matter. What matters is the behaviors that you’re able to produce. So. What do I mean by parenting with the nervous system in mind, it’s understanding the state that your child is in. There actually, four states that we talk about, one is calm. The other is fight or flight, which is, when you’re very activated.

[00:27:15] You’re agitated in your body. It’s not a choice. It’s a default pattern. The other one is when you kind of shut down, that’s a really stress, stressful state. If you’ve ever felt like you’re just dropping into a black hole and you cannot, and you’re kind of frozen. That’s very high stress. If your child is ever frozen, it just sits there, can’t even engage with you. Please, compassionately pay attention to that. If you ever feel that way, please take a moment, put your hand over your heart and say, I need, I need some support here. I need some help. I need to call a friend. I need to, call my you know, my spouse and make sure my child’s safe and take a moment for myself and regroup.

[00:28:02] So, when we parent with the nervous system in mind, then we have a roadmap on how much to ask of our child in a given moment. Should we be, should we be insisting on finishing their, work before they get to do X? Or should we just be sitting with them on their bed, looking at them with compassion, saying, hey buddy, I’m here with you. This is rough. I’m here with you. I want you to know, I may have just asked you to do too much and that’s on me and we kind of, we kind of read their body language if all of a sudden the child kind of relaxes and maybe looks at you like, well, thanks Mom. Thanks Dad. Thanks for seeing me. They won’t say thanks for seeing me, but that’s what their nervous system will be saying.

[00:28:51] Thank you. It’s so powerful. Emily, when we see beyond the child’s behaviors and when we look at behaviors like defiance or lack of respect. And we see that underneath there’s a vulnerable, hurting person. Usually, you know, sometimes it changes everything and  it shifted my relationship with all my children, all three of my children. I can tell you that and it’s helped the fam- it helps the families that I work with a lot more than trying to, raise the bar, increased strict sticker charts, do more timeouts, all of that stuff. It just works much better than our traditional methods.

[00:29:38] Emily Melious: This is probably a whole other five-hour training, but if we can do the high level, couple of minutes version. You talk about the difference between top down and bottom up behaviors. I had not heard of that before. Can you give us the quick explanation and then why we should know the differences between those.

[00:30:00] Dr. Mona Delahooke: Sure. And it’s so cool that you haven’t heard that because most people haven’t heard the difference. Like, did you know that there are two major at least, but two major categories of behaviors.

[00:30:15] Emily Melious: Yeah, and I have a lot of these conversations and I’ve never heard that yet.

[00:30:19] Dr. Mona Delahooke: It isn’t very well read, it’s because no one has really wrote about it or talked about it before, except for me. And I love that because I’m happy to be breaking it out. And so let me just give you an example. Here’s a top-down behavior, which means that we are using that part of our brain that involves, thinking, cognition, planning out. So a top-down behavior with their child would be having a conversation with them and saying, Hey, you know, I see that there was this problem at school. Can you describe what happened? Let’s talk about it. It’s basically discussing using words, using language, using communication.

[00:31:01] It is top-down because it is mediated by our, of course everything’s whole body, but it’s mediated by, really our conversations, and, our harnessing the use of thought and  thinking, okay, now let’s have an example of a bottom up or body up behavior for a parent. Same situation, child having difficulty at school, you go and sit by them on the couch. And you don’t say anything, but you look at them, the child begins to lean into you and you give them a hug that is a body up, a bottom up interaction. It bypasses our thought and goes directly into our body’s sense of safety.

[00:31:53]  Bottom up, or body up interactions with our kids can look like a gentle look at our face, a nod, putting your hand on a child’s shoulder and then that you feel their body relax, a hug, song, music, dancing, walking together. I think you’re getting the idea. That it, doesn’t involve talking and reasoning as much as it is involves something called emotional attunement. And in our culture, we don’t talk much about emotional attunement and how to give it and how to get it. And so, in a short way, what we, what we are thinking about our children, and this happens a lot with toddlers because we think that just because a toddler or a ten-year-old even, you know, can talk and walk and have opinions, that they’re always in charge of their behaviors and their emotions.

[00:32:52] In other words, they are choosing to do a certain thing with purpose, with intentionality and with intention. But when the red or blue pathways in charge, you are not thoughtfully thinking out necessarily what you’re doing. And so when you’re punished for it or called to the carpet on it, you feel really bad inside. So we need to distinguish between top-down and bottom-up behaviors so that we can apply the right consequences essentially to those behaviors.

[00:33:28]Emily Melious: Mona. This is amazing. I’m learning so many things and you have two books. Do I have that right?

[00:33:37] Dr. Mona Delahooke: I do. I have a book that I wrote for preschool teachers and early intervention is called Social, Emotional Development. And then I have another book that is called Beyond Behaviors, which is the paradigm shift book on the difference again, between top down and bottom up and more. And next year I’ll be coming up with a  big general parenting book. And really excited about a parenting book for, all, for parents, grandparents, and everyone. So I’m having fun writing.

[00:34:06] Emily Melious: I would say so fantastic. And I also know you have a great blog, very educational, lots of, practical, actionable strategies there, for folks that want to learn more about you, maybe want to work with you, how can they get in touch with you?

[00:34:22] Dr. Mona Delahooke: Sure. Yeah, I have, there’s a search engine on my blog at monadellahook.com. It’s just my name and my website, but I have a blog. There’s a search engine. So if you’re having a specific trouble with your child, just put in the word into the search engine  and at the moment I’m finishing up my books, so I’m not consulting directly, but I’m available through my website. Parents can email me and also on Facebook, I’m on a Delahooke.com and @MonaDelahooke on Instagram and Twitter.

[00:34:50] Emily Melious: Well, thank you so much again for coming on and really expanding what we see as typical or atypical or fit in or misfit. And I’m really celebrating all the differences and the beauty in that. Thank you,

[00:35:05]Dr. Mona Delahooke: Oh, it’s such a joy to be here and yeah, go out and celebrate those children with differences and see those differences as really precious, that will help their lives, help them distinguish themselves as they grow older and break molds. Those are the kinds of kids that change the world. So thanks again, Emily. Take care.

[00:35:26] Emily Melious: You too!

[00:35:27] Mothers of Misfits: Thanks for joining us for this episode of the Mothers of Misfits podcast. Make sure to subscribe, so you never miss an episode. We also invite you to visit us at MothersOfMisfits.com.

Resources:

Speakers:

Emily Melious

Emily Melious

Talent Management Consultant | Career Coach | Podcast Host

HOST
Dr. Mona Delahooke

Dr. Mona Delahooke

Clinical Psychologist | Speaker | Author

GUEST

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